Hey internet. How’s it going? I haven’t seen you here before. Would you like a drink? My name is Zach. Barkeep, I’ll take a London Fuller Porter, please! What are you doing in a place like this? Oh? What about me?

Well, today is my first day in Mattersville. I just accepted a job at Mega Awesome Games. I start in a week, so I have plenty of time to get settled here. Truth be told, I probably won’t unpack until about… ever. Really, I got my stuff sorted nice and neat in boxes. I know exactly where to look for everything because it’s marked in Sharpie. Who wants to ruin a good thing like that? Not me, that’s for damn sure, dawg. I got my bed set up. My computer desk is fixed up proper. I’m fine.

Man, first pay check I get, though, I need to get me one of those LCD, zillion inch, sixty hundred megapixel, flat-screen HDTVs. That would be so legit. I mean, rent or TV, it’s a pretty obvious choice, right? Maybe I can trick my room mate Rick into paying both halves of the rent.